Pages 241-265: Boldly Editing Where, Apparently, No Man Has Edited Before
Without beta readers, I cannot write anything readable at all
Up until page 241 it’s been fixing typos, adding the missing word, and rewording sentences. All in all, a better editing experience than I expected.
Now—this.
Chapter 20. A cunning minefield of mistakes
First of all—it’s way longer than the other chapters. Why? I remember when I wrote it I had lots to say and didn’t want to pause until I said everything. Okay. Easily fixed. There’s a comic moment on page 252:
I drive to Scranton and walk Viewmont Mall. Hot Topic, Penney’s, Claire’s. Nobody hiring. I go to Sears Customer Service for an application. The lady says Sears will close early this summer.
How can Sears close? That’s like saying Kmart is gonna go out of business.
That allows the last half of chapter 20, when Kelsey meets the minor but significant character Minty Ross, to stand alone. It does raise the question: is chapter 20, Kelsey talking with Mrs. Gallagher at the Webb farm and applying for jobs, purposeful enough to stay as is? That won’t be able to be decided until draft six near the end of this September.
Back to page 240 where the fun begins. All the dates in these pages need to be examined because most make no sense. Their contradictions are a direct product of so many drafts and my not-stellar organizational skills (hey, if I wanted to organize things, I would have applied at Walmart. I want to write!).
The timeline
Friday, February 15, 2016. Guess what? The 15th was a Monday. Okay, then. You be a Monday. Monday is the day Kelsey gets expelled and the Webbs get an eviction notice. I better skim chapter 19 to make sure the day is Monday throughout. This is like dentistry, where, once you start digging, the hidden reveals itself.
19 needed some tweaking but nothing major. Now for 20. Kelsey says, “I spend the rest of the day locked in my room with Storm.” At most it would be the afternoon and evening. Starting chapter 20 with that vague time description could throw the reader into a tailspin.
I go home, eat grilled cheese and chips for lunch with my silent Mom and Dad, then spend the afternoon and evening locked in my room with Storm.
Next problem. The school district sends the Webbs a letter saying Kelsey may attend graduation exercises if she completes her coursework. The letter is dated 3/1/16.
So Kelsey does nothing but watch TV for two weeks until she gets this letter? It’s in the wrong place. Needs to be moved.
Next scene. Whoa. Suddenly, it’s Friday. Again, the product of multiple drafts not being updated.
Move the letter. Where? No idea yet, but so it makes sense that it went out two weeks from Kelsey’s expulsion?
Then—it’s Tuesday, not Friday. Dad talks with Kelsey about working the month between expulsion and when she has to legally be in a secondary ed setting on Tuesday afternoon, after Dad sells Buttercup the Cow to pay for legal bills.
More problems. Mom is sitting at the kitchen table Tuesday for lunch. Wrong. She’d be out with the daycare kids. Back to work, Mom. Kelsey’s sitting alone, eating a PB&J. But Mom’s mug can stand in for Mom. Leave it on the table. Dad takes some of Mom’s lines. Others get cut.
The next event in the manuscript is Valerie Gallagher, long term sub for the deceased English teacher, Mr. Dugal, bringing Kelsey’s stuff to her from the J-Club room. That happens Saturday 2/20/16. But the previous scene happened Tuesday, and Kelsey is supposed to go job-hunting Wednesday morning.
Move the Valerie scene? Or the job hunt scene? Neither way ends up creating balanced chapters. Move the job hunt scene to what is chapter 20. Then move the Valerie scene to what is chapter 21 (don’t forget to renumber the chapters!).
Just renumbered the chapters. And I chopped chapter 20 in half, and chronologically organized everything so it made sense. The letter marked 3/1? It ended up near the end of chapter 21, at least 20 pages from where I had it!
Thank God for beta readers! That was an absolute mess! It’s embarrassing to give someone a manuscript in such poor condition. But I’d looked at it so much that I literally couldn’t read it, that is, what I was reading wasn’t what it really said. Probably not the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done, though. Actually, not by a long shot. It’s been a challenging six decades.
Chapter 21—A Mix of Editing and Writing New Stuff
Not done yet. A few more boo-boos and then the Bookkeeper Table scene. A snip of the Table:
Every date on the table had to be pushed back a year. I had the J-Club adviser, Mr. Dugal, collecting money from teachers after Mr. Dugal was dead. Not good. I adjusted the dates and reviewed the table to make sure it makes sense.
Then, I had to concoct why Dugal intends to pay back the J-Club account the $2500 but doesn’t pay it back by Monday August 2nd, when the business office reopens. When Wendy read this, she thought there were too many unanswered questions. Today I decided that Kelsey will make realizations in real time. Here she thinks to herself after she studies the table of “The Bookkeeper”:
I drop the spreadsheet.
You took the twenty-five hundred, Mr. Dugal. You pulled the Beg-A-Thon money out of the J-Club account, money I spent six months raising, and you gave it to Dr. Rivers. An “investment” for whatever scheme he’s cooking up. You got your summer “lump sum” payment, took a trip down to Cancun, but were careful to put aside the two grand plus to repay the J-Club account. Which you planned on doing the first thing in August.
I reach down and pet Storm. One does this when one’s world shatters like a dropped mirror.
You told me you and your wife would return from Cancun July thirty-first. Giving you the thirty-first to sneak the money back in. Dr. Rivers was probably okay with helping you do that.
But you didn’t come back until Saturday the eighth. You told me how much you liked it down there. I bet you stayed an extra week. Typical Dugal logic: I’ll worry about it later. You went in to school Monday, August tenth, told Cunningham you “found” money that should have been deposited in the spring. Did she blow up at you? Tell Rivers? Is that what the “disagreement” Rivers mentioned to me last fall was all about? Rivers probably worried that your failed J-Club loan ruse would expose the whole operation.
Oh my God.
Dugal went hunting alone in the game lands Thursday August thirteenth. The teachers never hunted alone. Why did I even believe that? Was he solo out there? Or was Rivers with him? With Dugal when the “snake” “bit” him?
Stupid stupid stupid, Kelsey B. Webb! This is why the teachers teased Dugal with the epithet, “The Bookkeeper.” And I figured it had to do with grades or ordering dry-erase markers. How could you do this to me? Mr. Eugene Friggin’ Dugal! Teacher! Role model! Journalism God! Standard-bearer of fair play, honesty, equality. One of the few Benders who lived a right life …
I gave you the name “Grandpa.”
You’re a flippin’ liar, Grandpa. An embezzler. A flunkey for a con artist who ended up killing you over this crap, didn’t he? Over money.
I so thought you were so above all that …
Storm wakes up, checks to see if I’m alright, then drops back off.
Gooseflesh up and down my whole body. Holy man-o-man. Damn lucky, Kelsey B. Webb! You got off with mere expulsion!